Self abandonment and codependency grow out of a broken relationship with ourselves. Somewhere along the way we learned that to lessen our pain and hurt and receive the love we wanted we had to reject the voice of our heart. At the time the trade off made sense or maybe even was absolutely necessary. My work helps women to re-establish and heal this foundational relationship with themselves.
I HELP WOMEN HEAL THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR HEART
Listen to me dive a little deeper with Gala Darling on her podcast Gala Loves Everything
Listen to me on Gala loves everything
My favorite type of work is 1-1 coaching with women.
Find out more about what that's like in my work with me pdf
Download my 1-1 coaching pdf
My IG is full of written content that gives you a taste of what I do. Get to know the kinds of topics I focus on and see what resonates with you
Visit my Instagram
get to know my work
I learned to disconnect from my heart and my body at a very young age. Dissociation quickly became my way of surviving and managing ongoing abuse from different people throughout my childhood.
There was abuse outside of my home with a trusted neighbor and more happening within my own family. Eventually the abuse with my neighbor was discovered, but my home like continued to be filled with its own unique struggle living day to day in a state of fear and panic with an emotionally abusive mother who suffered from mental illness.
She had experienced her own intergenerational trauma from her mother, my grandmother, that she was never able to fully recover from. My mothers relationship with me back then was a direct reflection of her best attempt to raise children with her own unmet emotional trauma and unmanaged bipolar disorder. She eventually met a man, left my father and our family, and moved across the country shortly before I turned 17.
Unsurprisingly, the following years of my life were some of the most lost years of my life. Fumbling through unfulfilling relationships, completely disconnected from myself and alternating between fighting off depression or self hate.
I learned to disconnect from my heart and my body at a very young age. Dissociation quickly became my way of surviving and managing ongoing
abuse from different people
throughout my childhood.
There was abuse outside my home with a trusted neighbor and more happening within my own family. Eventually the abuse with my neighbor was discovered, but my home life continued to be filled with it's own unique struggle living day to day in a state of fear and panic with an emotionally abusive mother who suffered from mental illness.
She had experienced her own intergenerational trauma from her mother, my grandmother, that she was never able to fully recover from. My mothers relationship with me during my childhood was a direct reflection of her best attempt to raise children while she struggled with her own unmet emotional pain and unmanaged bipolar disorder. She eventually met a man, left my father and our family, and moved across the country shortly before I turned 17.
Unsurprisingly, the following years of my life were some of the most lost years of my life. Fumbling through unfulfilling relationships, completely disconnected from myself and alternating between fighting off depression or self hate.
In my 20's I started trying to process the pain from my past, but I was wildly unsuccessful. My journey of emotional healing was filled with more things that didn't work than did. I read every book, went to years of therapy, dabbled in meditation and psychedelics, and took every online course and workshop I could find. I stuck my toe in every pool hoping to find some kind of healing for myself, without fully seeing the ways I was continuing to avoid my real pain and how I made "healing" just another way to escape it.
I traveled. I spent thousands of dollars moving back and forth across the country multiple times convinced that I just needed to find the 'right' place and that would be what finally allowed me to feel a sense of home and peace inside myself.
While I wouldn't want to experience the instability and loneliness of that time again I believe it had to happen that way so I could understand what didn't work. I'm the type of person who will eat the veggies first. I will do the worst chore before the rest. I want the bad news before the good news. Looking back I think healing was similar for me. I needed to do everything else first, do it the wrong way, and feel how difficult that was. I needed to feel how much effort it took to do it the hard way so I could fully feel the difference when I had landed on something that truly worked.
While I wouldn't want to experience the instability and loneliness of that time again I believe it had to happen that way so I could understand what didn't work.
I'm the type of person who will eat the veggies first. I will do the worst chore before the rest. I will pick the bad news before the good news. Looking back I think healing was similar for me. I needed to do everything else first, do it the wrong way, and feel how difficult that was. I needed to feel how much effort it took to do it the hard way so I could fully feel the difference when I had landed on something that worked.
Starting to heal...
In my early 30's the unhealthy ways of relating to myself and others caught up with me in a very concrete way and my marriage ended. I didn't understand how to make relationships work. I didn't understand myself in relationship to others, especially intimate relationships with men. After the divorce I came across a book on feminine energy ; Powerful and Feminine by Rachael Jayne Groover. It was a concept I knew nothing about but once I started reading couldn't stop. I was blown away by the principles of polarity work. My marriage ending was a catalyst to learn more about relationships, but it was feminine and masculine energy work that rebuilt my approach to life and started to give me a better understanding of my authentic self and all the pain still buried there.
I threw myself into studying and experimenting and found some incredible coaches that could take me deeper. I eventually began teaching others. Over time feminine energy and polarity work brought me to the core of my own unmet trauma; my relationship with my emotional self and my inner child.
With the help and guidance of my own teachers I began learning how to relate with my emotions instead of dismissing them or intellectualizing them. I began to feel and face pain. l began to learn about what my feelings were there for instead of trying to change them or control them. My body and the sensory information it had to share started to matter to me. I finally began allowing my feelings to exist, instead of treating them like the enemy.
Coming back together...
In my early 30's the unhealthy ways of relating to myself and others caught up with me in a very concrete way and my marriage ended. I didn't understand how to make relationships work. I didn't understand myself in relationship to others, especially intimate relationships with men. After the divorce I came across a book on feminine energy ; Powerful and Feminine by Rachael Jayne Groover. It was a concept I knew nothing about but once I started reading I couldn't stop. I was blown away by the principles of polarity work. My marriage ending was a catalyst to learn more about relationships, but it was feminine and masculine energy work that slowly rebuilt my approach to life and started to give me a better understanding of my authentic self and all the pain still buried there.
I threw myself into studying and experimenting and found some incredible coaches that could take me deeper. I eventually began teaching others. Over time my understanding of feminine energy and polarity work brought me to the core of my own unmet trauma; my relationship with my emotional self and my inner child.
With the help and guidance of my own teachers I began learning how to relate with my emotions instead of dismissing them or intellectualizing them. I began to feel and face pain. l began to learn about what my feelings were there for instead of trying to change them or control them. My body and the sensory information it had to share started to matter to me. I finally began allowing my feelings to exist, instead of treating them like the enemy.
Through lots of practice and the support of others I began to heal the broken relationship I had with my heart.
I learned to trust my feelings again because I learned the language they were speaking. I'm imperfect and still growing. I still discover new layers and hidden beliefs around my relationship with myself and my emotions. I still have struggles with self expression and I still feel scared sometimes. But now I can work with it. Now I can take care of what is there. I don't believe we ever stop growing though. There will always be opportunities for fine tuning our sensitivity and developing into more of who we really are.
The principles I teach my clients are the exact ones I used to heal and continue to use. My framework for emotional healing and healing self abandonment and emotional unavailability is very simple, but it doesn't always feel easy. But when we commit to coming closer to our hearts and taking care of what we find, I believe healing is inevitable.
My work...
Through lots of practice and the support of others I began to heal the broken relationship I had with my heart.
I learned to trust my feelings again because I learned the language they were speaking. I'm imperfect and still growing. I still discover new layers and hidden beliefs around my relationship with my self and my emotions. I still struggle with self expression and I still feel scared sometimes. But now I can work with it. Now I take care of what is there.
I don't believe we ever stop growing. Just like an artist that spends decades mastering their craft, the opportunities for fine tuning our sensitivity and developing into more of who we really are are endless.
The principles I teach my clients are the exact ones I used to heal and continue to use. My framework for emotional healing and healing self abandonment and emotional unavailability is very simple, but it doesn't always feel easy.
But when we commit to coming closer to our hearts and taking care of what we find
I believe healing is inevitable.
tuning into my clients inner child
aquarius moon
leo rising
or with animals
a little about me
